Pax et Bonum,

My name is Erik Walker Wikstrom, and I am a husband,a father (two young boys), and an ordained Unitarian Universalist minister. My background is Presbyterian, Methodist, and Buddhist until my discovery of Unitarian Universalism back in the 90s, a tradition which is broad enough for my ecclectic experience of God's majesty.

I have always, as long as I can remember, been seeking a way, a path, a community, in which, with which, and through which I could align myself. As a young kid at Methodist church camps I felt it, during communion on the side of the Roundout Creek -- the real, palpable presence. I felt it during the service when I was ordained a Presbyterian elder at sixteen -- "you did not choose me, but I have choosen you." I have felt it innumberable times since.

And just as often as I have felt that call -- and moved toward it -- I have also run from it. Turned from it. Tried to ignore it.

So here I am, having discovered OEF during a period when the call is live and vital again. Could this be a way to respond?

I would like to know more about becoming a member of the Order. I have"devoured" everything on the web site, yet the details of the process still seem vague to me. How does it actually play out in people's lives -- both the formation process and, then, the lifelong commitment?

I would love to hear from people who can tell me what this is like for them to help me with my discernment process. I feel so excited when I contemplate the possibility of becoming a secular Franciscan brother. It "makes sense" in a very non-sensical way. Still, so many questions . . .

Yours,

Erik

Hi Eric,

Welcome to our virtual living room!

You ask some wonderful questions. Let me venture some reflections on my own experience.

I attended a Chapter/Convocation (OEF's annual meeting for business, ongoing formation, and fellowship) as a visitor before preparing and submitting my materials to be considered for entry into OEF's formation process. It was important to me to get a real sense of this community of people before entering into a virtual relationship with them.

That first face-to-face experience (in 2000) was more than I could ever have hoped for, so I prepared my application materials over the next several months and entered into the postulancy by the beginning of 2001.

I suspect our online description of the formation process makes it sound too much like it is comprised almost entirely of "30 chapters" on which one reports to an assigned formation counselor, over the course of at least 30 months. That is a key part of the formation process, but by no means the entirety of it. The 30 chapters touch on basic topics in Christian belief and practice (intercessory prayer, fasting, kinship with creation, etc.). I prayed and reflected on each topic for three-four weeks, using the provided material (usually just a single page that gave the topic some initial definition and offered some suggested questions one might consider) as well as other materials on the same topic (reflecting my own interests, the particular stage of my spiritual journey, my denominational background, etc.). Then I sat down and spent several hours writing up my reflections for my formation counselor. Invariably, I realized something more during the process of writing itself, even though I'd been pondering and praying about each topic already for almost a month.

Also, with each of the 30 chapter reports, I'd provide some reflections on how I was doing living out my "personal rule." Each of us writes a rule of life that we seek to follow, addressing topics such as prayer, service, community, and penitence. A key part of formation is practicing living to this rule, revising it as needed. Each month, I'd reflect on what was going well and on what was not going so well, sharing those reflections with my formation counselor.

So, I'd send my reflections off to my formation counselor. And then she'd write back! (Fair warning: Not all of us who serve as formation counselors in OEF are as reliable as was my formation counselor. Two things most of us learn from one another as we stumble along together are the virtues of patience and of forgiveness!)

My experience of this part of the formation process -- the reporting and the feedback -- is that my formation counselor and I were listening for the Spirit, and sharing with each other what we'd heard. (This was also supplemented by a monthly face-to-face meeting with a spiritual director, which is also part of being a member of OEF. The dynamic there is much the same.) The gifts that flow from this ongoing relationship with a single person within the Order, with whom one shares one's struggles and triumphs, and extending over a minimum of 2.5 years, is amazing. This is a key part of the formation process.

But there is more as well.

For me, of greatest importance was attending Chapter/Convocation annually. I learned much about this community -- what it was about, whether I felt called to it, how it went about its discernment -- by being present each year as we gathered for business, fellowship, and ongoing formation. Nothing could replace those experiences. (I returned home ten days ago from my eleventh consecutive Chapter/Convocation.)

Also important was ongoing participation on our email list (OEF-L). And today, that extends to this web forum (which is new in the last year, and to which we are all still becoming accustomed). Others are better letter writers. Others check in regularly on Facebook. Others have the opportunity for more frequent regional fellowship. But for me, the email list was essential.

And, after one completes the formation process? One continues doing largely the same thing: living to one's rule, participating in the life of the Order (Chapter attendance, participation on OEF-L or in some other way that sustains connection between Chapters), and pursuing ongoing spiritual formation. Still following Christ as reflected in the lives of Francis and Clare. Still listening for the Spirit's movement in our lives. Still attending church. Still meeting monthly with our spiritual director.

The challenge after one completes formation and professes into the Order is to share more of the burden of tending the fire (rather than merely warming oneself by the fire) and to make a successful transition from reporting monthly to an assigned formation counselor to reporting quarterly to an assigned assistant chaplain. Formation is meant to be ongoing, and I would do better at continuing in that formation if I were to more reliably write to my assistant chaplain with the care and attention and depth and vulnerability that I wrote to my formation counselor. That is one of my ongoing "growing edges."

Well, I didn't mean to go on so long about all of that! I hope others will share their experiences as well.

Again, Eric, welcome!

Thank you Nancy. What a full and generous reply. Although I am sure there is much more that you could say, what you did say gives me quite a flavor. I thank you, and do hope others will share their thoughts and experiences as well.

You mention the online description of the formation process and how that might lead me to believe that it only consists of written reports on the thirty chapters. Honestly, I haven't been able to find that much detail anywhere! I'd love to know about what's involved in the formation process -- what those thirty topics are, for instance -- but perhaps that's something for me to discover after a more formal application.

Interestingly, I've recently been reading two books about lay monasticism. One, To Live As Francis Lived (by Floley, Weigel, and Normile), is about Secular Franciscans; the other, How To Be A Monastic And Not Leave Your Day Job (by Tvedten), is about Benedictine Oblates. The former kept exciting me, even though it was less accessibly written for me. The later, though more "welcoming" to my sensibilities is leaving me more cold.

All part of my discernment.

Erik

Hi Erik:

Welcome! I just wanted to say hello and welcome in response to your post. I myself am just too starting the journey to determine if this is the right place for me.

I came to the Chapter/Convocation in Texas and it was a great way to gather more information about the order and meet many of the people. I can't make the regional gathering in Boston because my school schedule will not permit me to do so, but if you can, I would suggest attending. It really helps to meet with others face-to-face and get a feeling for it.

Peace,

Bob Basque

Hi Bob,

Thanks for saying "hello," and blessings on your own journey of discernment. I'm hoping to be able to make it to the gathering in Boston at the end of August -- it is in my own backyard -- although that's an awfully busy time for my family and my work will have already taken me away from home a good bit this summer.

I would be happy to hear anything you would care to share about what your journey has been thus far and how the process unfolds for you from this point on.

In peace,

Erik

Hi Erik:

I was introduced to OEF by a friend here in Phoenix, so I had a bit of a jumpstart on being able to actually talk with someone in person.

I moved to Phoenix in September and am just feeling settled in. I have been going over the requirements and other paperwork at this point (if you don't have that stuff the formation director can send it to you in the mail).

I had a spirtual director when I lived in Portland, and have not gotten one here yet, so I will need to get going with that again.

Mostly, finding this group has been an "unexpected" surprise. I have felt called to a life inspired by Francis for decades, but no concreate way to make that more "real" in my life.

If you are able to make the NE gathering, I am sure it will help you to decided if you want to move forward. I know for me, getting to know people at the Chapetr/Convocation made me feel much more connected.

Peace and Blessings,

Bob Basque

Peace to you, Michael --

I also found it surprisingly confusing at first, but I am finding the welcome genuinely warm and deep at this point. Each contact I am having -- from other seekers to folks well and deeply connected -- is confirming for me the welcome of this community. Someone responded via e-mail to my invitation to tell their story and I was so touched by their openess and vulnerability that I was moved to tears. I hope that you, too, find the welcome you are looking for and, perhaps more importantly, the one you are needing at this time. If I can be any part of that, do not hesitate.

Pax y bene,

Erik

PS -- I didn't reply sooner because two weeks ago, around the time you first posted, I fell down my basement stairs, breaking my right shoulder. I then had reconstructive surgery and, since then, have been more than a little out of it. I'll be recovering for a LONG time, unfortunately, but I'm back at the computer again. And thankful that the damage was not worse than it was. Again, if I can be of any service to you, brother . . .

Bob,

I also have found myself in the same position at Erik. Nothing on the site seems to even point you in the direction of a vocation/formation directer's email or any other address to formally request information? I did find a "General" address that i was going to send a hand writing letter to C/O Vocation Director and "hope" it was forwarded on to the correct person. Is there some sort of directory on here that gives the persons Title so that one might be more capable of making these contacts?

Hey, Michael!

Welcome! Sorry it's been confusing. The person you want to contact is our director of formation counseling. On the left column under "Meet Us," select "Community Servants." Then select "Director of Formation Counseling." You will be able to send a message to the correct person.

I'm glad you're checking us out!

Peace,
Sister Chris

Greetings Sister Chris,

I managed to find that a couple of weeks ago but it lead me to believe it was for the the 4th annual weekend retreat i was not certain if that person of contact for that one event was the same i needed to contact for inquiring. Thanks so much for taking to time to comment on it.

Blessings too you,

Michael